It's Not Easy Being Green**

Everybody have a nice day yesterday? I took the day off & enjoyed it immensely.

Culturally prescribed slacking (and then, of course, snacking) aside, I actually got a fair amount done yesterday as well. The one thing I did not do that I (sort of, conceptually) wanted to do was get out in the yard & plant some of the seeds I recently bought.

The problem is that I am just not a gardener. 'Oh, look at the charming little seed packets! They have artist's renderings of what my plants will supposedly look like!' Seed packets are strangely irresistible to me, despite the fact that I should just start apologizing to them right there and then for having selected them, because there's no doubt those seeds are in for a long and difficult road. It's much harder to grow things when you only pay attention to them once every three weeks or so. No, really! You'd be surprised.

But, you know, there's always the chance that they could avoid it altogether, if I never manage to get them in the ground to begin with. There are a few that are early-season plants, like spinach and snap peas and such, which should be planted now. The ones we have to plant after the frost date need to be started indoors now.

In these circumstances, my train of thought tends to go something like this: 'I should really plant those seeds. Mmm, yummy vegetables. And it's such a nice day out! Oh, this will be fun. Oh, except first I have to go to the store and get all the supplies for planting them indoors and out, like the soil and those little cup-thingys and all that shit. Then I have to clear out all the weeds that have already started growing where I want to plant the veggies. Come to think of it, the yard looks pretty much trashed - the vines are out of control, I need to cut those back... there's dogshit in need of picking up... sweet flippin jeebus... You know, I should really wash these dishes right now. And then, uh, maybe pay some bills. Oh, and I have that freelance article I've got to finish. Yes. Lots to do! No time to spend ten hours gardening!' *deep sigh of relief*

It's not that I dislike gardening. It's just that, well, it's sort of a pain in the ass. And it takes a lot of time. I think the propensity for success is in a direct ratio to how much one enjoys it, though - I have friends whose gardens are veritable works of art, and make it sound nearly effortless. It mystifies me, I'll be honest.

The other problem is that here in our little community, everybody and their dog has a vegetable garden (yes, I suspect even the dogs out-garden me), and they're all going around with fervently gleaming eyes and talking about their seedlings. At which point in the conversation I secretly hope they'll plant too much and have a lot to give away to incompetents like me.

Still, I used to feel similarly about baking, and I've managed to become halfway decent at that, largely because I love to eat baked goods. Similarly, I always glory in the both-yummy-and-victorious taste of the eleven or so cherry tomatoes and one jalepeno pepper* I manage to coax from our garden's unwilling victims; if I actually grew all the different stuff we have seeds for, I'd eat so well this summer. Maybe I can overcome my gardening issues this year. I make no promises, though. I may have mail to shred, or something even more fun to do.

* Does not include zucchini, which I can grow in abundance. This is because in order to kill off a zucchini plant, you actually have to drop an anvil on it, Looney Tunes-style, and then set it on fire. I'm just not that aggro.

** As you may have noticed by now, this blog has almost nothing whatsoever to do with Kermit, or recycling. Although locally grown produce is 'more green'. Anyway, my title probably should have been something more like, 'It's Not Easy Having Whatever the Antithesis of a Green Thumb Is', but that just doesn't really flow. Anyway, to make up for the lack of Kermit-related focus in the post, I offer you this link.